My heart

Its 2a.m. here as I sit and start writing this (keep that in mind as you read, hope it all makes senese!). God has been and continues to move my heart! I just finished watching the movie Letters to God. I knew what I was about to watch, I knew I had seen movies like this before, but for some reason I watched it anyway. This movie was about a young boy with cancer who wrote letters to God, basically prayers to God.  There were several times when I would cry as I watched, or wanted to ball my eyes out, but I didn't want to wake up Dorina. I know part of it was from the movie, (I cry in movies ok?) but this time was different for me than any other time I remember crying at these "types" of movies. I wasn't just crying because of thinking about just the movie. This time my mind wandered to all the people that have to deal with things like this on a regular basis. What parents have to sit and watch their children go through this and tell them that "Its okay, they can let go now." What family has to go through the pain and hardship of having a mom deal with breast cancer? (this topic has come up a lot in stores, schools, friends with it being October and Breast Cancer Awareness)  But other than cancer... how many people worry every month because they aren't sure how they are going to pay the bills? What mom or dad or grandma is struggling because he or she can't give their children adequate food? Who doesn't feel good enough, loved, accepted....? And the list goes on.
There are so many questions like this. It leads me to one more area. What about about the people who don't have Christ as their firm foundation? Where do they find their strength or hope?

Now I don't want this to be depressing, but facing reality is important. Here I have to push myself to look harder to love and see like Christ. I think all of these deeper thoughts have come because of my journey these last few months. I desire to see people. See them and love them. As I meet new people everywhere I go, I want to offer love. I know that in every conversation I can offer joy and hope, no matter the content. I say this because its happened.  Our lives are shaped by our stories and the stories of the people around us, just like I'm telling you a story about my journey.  Everyone we come in contact with, a stranger on the street or a coworker we have worked with for years or a family member, everyone is hurting to some degree and everyone deals with it differently. How many times do we, do I,  stop and pray for the people we come in contact with even if words are not exchanged? God still hears those prayers, knows the needs when we don't, and listens to us.  God moves when his people pray!!! Sometimes its our last resort, but the best thing we can do!

Honestly as I have gone back and reread this, I don't know my point! Other than the fact that we all need love and support. We all need Christ, and not everyone has let him in yet! I want to live my life, every moment, for Christ. I want to be bold and I believe God is forming me that way more and more everyday. With my sensitive heart that is being made known to me I am able to see people in a different light. This doesn't mean I was doing everything wrong, but maybe I just see them in a brighter light, not through my dull eyes, but through the radiance of Christ! This is then when the earlier questions, although they may never have answers or complete solutions, can be infused with hope and strength. My heart aches for our world and all the turmoil. My heart hurts for those who hurt and I can't even begin to fathom what people are going through, sometimes I have a hard enough time dealing with my own pain!  But again, like I said in an earlier post I need to trust. God is bigger. God is greater. God is stronger. Even when I don't understand or like how things worked out.  Even when things seem unbearable, there is hope. Sometimes I don't know how to find that hope or I feel like I don't have enough strength to find it. But again God is faithful.  I want my life to matter. I don't know what that means or what it will look like. If all of this is so that I will pray more for people then let it be. Through my relationship with Christ I am continuing to be refined and find my role/place within the body of Christ. I hope and pray that you do the same. Is God really our everything?