This week....

This week has been crazy! Both emotionally and physically draining, but it has ended well! Last weekend we were in the St. Louis area, headed to Kansas on Monday, Arkansas Friday, and now we are in a hotel in southern Missouri!

Last Saturday Dorina and I went into St. Louis to see the arch and walk around the city. It was a beautiful day! I ended up going up in the arch, which I have wanted to do for years but for one reason or another it never worked out! I was excited but not looking forward to having to wait in the long time for at least an hour! When I bought my ticket I was able to get into an earlier ride since I was the only one in my party! I still thought I would have to wait a little bit, but when I went the attendant I was able to get right in! It was amazing!  After that I just walked around a bit and enjoyed the afternoon. Dorina and I met back up not too long after than and headed to Illinois for dinner. She LOVES Smokey Bones and that was the closet one to us or that would ever be near us on our tour! It was a fun and enjoyable day!   Here are some pictures:

If you look really close you can see the small windows at the top of the arch!

                                                                                      

Me in front of the arch on a beautiful fall day!



This is the little car that we had to ride in. It fit
only 5 people... I hit my head both times I got in!

 

Sunday we went to a church that was literally right next to our hotel. They were one of the most welcoming congregations that I have ever met. We seriously shook hands and were greeted by 70% of the congregation; it wasn't a huge place, but still a lot! It was so refreshing. People made their way to come meet us and welcome us.

Monday was a rough day for me. It marked a year since my best friend took her own life. It was hard for the fact of the matter, but also because I was stuck in a car and not surrounded by a community that loved and knew me and had supported me through this! All that I wanted to curl up in a ball next to a good friend! Unfortunately that wasn't possible for me. It was me and God and luckily he says he will never leave nor forsake me! It was hard to balance life that day, and it was really different experiencing this while I am out on the road. It really can change your perspective on things.

Basically the rest of the week was busy. Tuesday and Wednesday we had afternoon shows, so we would sleep in, do the shows, then have to drive a few hours to our next destination. We would end up not getting to our hotels till around 7 so it would feel like we worked all day long!  Thursday morning we had a show in Kansas and then we had a 7 1/2 hour drive down to Arkansas. It was a long day, but not as bad as expected. Friday was a double school day, even though we had to set up twice we were lucky that the schools were basically on the same property. We met some great administration at these schools. They were just very genuine, hospitable, and friendly. It always makes morning set ups better when you are able to talk and laugh with the people you are working for!

After our shows on Friday, and repairing some of our equipment, Dorina and I had about an hour drive to where were are staying this weekend. We are staying in Nixa, Missouri again. We were here for about 5 nights a month ago. Since we knew the area and knew what was around we figured we would stay again. It is nice because it adds a little consistency to our trip. The funny thing is that we are actually in the same room again. When we got to our hotel Friday night, I was beat. I took a short nap, walked to Walmart, and then basically just lounged in our room the rest of then night in sweatpants and with iced chai! It was glorious! I am so grateful for the ability to sleep in and reconnect with people. Yesterday alone I talked on the phone for over 7 hours! I am so glad its the weekend!  We will be staying here in Missouri until Tues. before be head back to Kansas. We have double school days on Wed., Thurs., and Fri.  More busyness but it will be good!

Soon I will try to update on what God has been teaching me! I need to gather my thoughts but he is so present and active and I love it!  Thank you for taking the time to read this, for your prayers, and for following me on my journey!





My heart

Its 2a.m. here as I sit and start writing this (keep that in mind as you read, hope it all makes senese!). God has been and continues to move my heart! I just finished watching the movie Letters to God. I knew what I was about to watch, I knew I had seen movies like this before, but for some reason I watched it anyway. This movie was about a young boy with cancer who wrote letters to God, basically prayers to God.  There were several times when I would cry as I watched, or wanted to ball my eyes out, but I didn't want to wake up Dorina. I know part of it was from the movie, (I cry in movies ok?) but this time was different for me than any other time I remember crying at these "types" of movies. I wasn't just crying because of thinking about just the movie. This time my mind wandered to all the people that have to deal with things like this on a regular basis. What parents have to sit and watch their children go through this and tell them that "Its okay, they can let go now." What family has to go through the pain and hardship of having a mom deal with breast cancer? (this topic has come up a lot in stores, schools, friends with it being October and Breast Cancer Awareness)  But other than cancer... how many people worry every month because they aren't sure how they are going to pay the bills? What mom or dad or grandma is struggling because he or she can't give their children adequate food? Who doesn't feel good enough, loved, accepted....? And the list goes on.
There are so many questions like this. It leads me to one more area. What about about the people who don't have Christ as their firm foundation? Where do they find their strength or hope?

Now I don't want this to be depressing, but facing reality is important. Here I have to push myself to look harder to love and see like Christ. I think all of these deeper thoughts have come because of my journey these last few months. I desire to see people. See them and love them. As I meet new people everywhere I go, I want to offer love. I know that in every conversation I can offer joy and hope, no matter the content. I say this because its happened.  Our lives are shaped by our stories and the stories of the people around us, just like I'm telling you a story about my journey.  Everyone we come in contact with, a stranger on the street or a coworker we have worked with for years or a family member, everyone is hurting to some degree and everyone deals with it differently. How many times do we, do I,  stop and pray for the people we come in contact with even if words are not exchanged? God still hears those prayers, knows the needs when we don't, and listens to us.  God moves when his people pray!!! Sometimes its our last resort, but the best thing we can do!

Honestly as I have gone back and reread this, I don't know my point! Other than the fact that we all need love and support. We all need Christ, and not everyone has let him in yet! I want to live my life, every moment, for Christ. I want to be bold and I believe God is forming me that way more and more everyday. With my sensitive heart that is being made known to me I am able to see people in a different light. This doesn't mean I was doing everything wrong, but maybe I just see them in a brighter light, not through my dull eyes, but through the radiance of Christ! This is then when the earlier questions, although they may never have answers or complete solutions, can be infused with hope and strength. My heart aches for our world and all the turmoil. My heart hurts for those who hurt and I can't even begin to fathom what people are going through, sometimes I have a hard enough time dealing with my own pain!  But again, like I said in an earlier post I need to trust. God is bigger. God is greater. God is stronger. Even when I don't understand or like how things worked out.  Even when things seem unbearable, there is hope. Sometimes I don't know how to find that hope or I feel like I don't have enough strength to find it. But again God is faithful.  I want my life to matter. I don't know what that means or what it will look like. If all of this is so that I will pray more for people then let it be. Through my relationship with Christ I am continuing to be refined and find my role/place within the body of Christ. I hope and pray that you do the same. Is God really our everything?

Everyday Living

I feel like God has been teaching me so much these last few months! He's been captivating my heart to a depth that I haven't been to before. I am grateful, but some of it is really hard! There have been several blessings (as my life and my earlier posts can testify) that have come my way, but there have also been several challenges that I have had to deal with. Now I know we all have challenges, that's a part of life, but the things in my life right now are all new. They are things that I have never had to confront before. They are hard. Some things are actual situations I have to deal with and some are personal changes or ways that God is showing himself to me and showing me more of who I am! These last few weeks, there have been times when I have just felt a heaviness about me and I don't like it!

I know ultimately that God is in control but in the midst of life that can be hard to trust. Trust. That is what God has called me to. When we finished training for Camfel I was having a hard time that we weren't going to be leaving for our tour from 2 1/2 weeks. Trust. God kept saying to me "Tiffany you have to trust me!" It was so gentle, but firm! In the midst of all of that I was able to see 5 friends that I wouldn't have been able to see if we left right after training. Trust. I am continually reminded of how God worked through this. He wants me to remember Him and his work in my life!

I hope that above doesn't sound like complaining because that it not something I tend to do nor was that my intention. I just wanted to be honest. I am so blessed that I have the opportunity to see God working in my life and that I can have confidence in the things that are happening in my life. But I didn't want to down play the fact that things have been hard, sometimes hard to the point where I didn't feel like myself. I truly enjoy this job, but I miss being with a strong community. At the same time, I wouldn't be learning what I am now if I hadn't been taken out of that. I have become so much for grateful for the privilege to talk with people on the phone and meet new people along the way.

When you live in a community, or with one other person, you learn a lot about yourself. You learn what you how you fit in that picture: what you agree with, what you don't, who you connect easier with, what brings you joy within that community etc. I have definitely been learning about myself. God has been teaching me that no matter what I need to be true to him, and true to the person he is creating me to be. If that doesn't go along with other people, that's ok. I need to be faithful to the one I have given my life instead of being influenced by so many other factors. I am in the process of claiming/reclaiming God's promises in my life. He has shown me how sensitive I am to the Holy Spirit and my convictions. I don't include that to sound self-righteous at all. It is just such a sweet experience and understanding!

With this some of my thoughts/patterns have been shaken. A few weeks ago I was prayer journaling and I just cried out to God "God I don't know if I can do this. I don't have any clue how to reach your people, the ones who haven't decided to trust in you. I can love and support people, I can encourage them in the faith, but how do I go from a simple conversation to sharing you?" And so on. I felt so unworthy of being called a Christian. But God is so good! I can't say that enough. (I know I say God is so good or that I am blessed often, but I have to speak the truth and my heart!) He has gently shown me where all my feelings aren't accurate, but he has also taught me where I can take steps to grow in him and this knowledge.  One thing I have learned several times, and I will continue to learn, is that I cannot have my own agenda. I need to follow God. When I create my own agenda it's so easy to feel like everyone I come in contact with I have to have an amazing spiritual experience with! Sometimes people just need love, someone to talk to, someone to listen! That can be a spiritual experience! I don't know what people need, but God does, so therefore I need to be faithful to who and what God places in my life. If I have an idea of making "converts" then I miss relationships and love. It's not my job or within my ability to save!

That being said, God placed a random stranger in my life on Monday night. We were staying in a hotel in Salina, Kansas, basically just a stopover place in between two days of driving. That ended up being my night on the phone; I ended up talking with 2 people for a total of over 3 1/2 hrs! It was fabulous and I love those ladies! Anyway, I decided not to just sit in my room, so I started walking through the hotel and found a table and chair outside of a conference room that didn't seem like it was being used. It was pretty quiet, other than the bathroom traffic. This one guy walked by, looked at me, smiled, and went on his way. Probably about 20-30 minutes later he went by again. I was still in the same spot just talking away! Instead of just walking by he stopped, laughed, and said "You're STILL one the phone!?" I laughed and tried to defend myself by saying that I travel for work so this is my only form of communication with people!  Then we started talking (my friend was still on the phone and could hear parts of the conversations, sorry Sam!) about what I did and what he did, etc. I ended up telling him that I went to Barclay College, a small Bible school about three hours from where we were at. Now keep in mind that there were times when I used to not include the fact that it was a Bible school, unless people asked further questions. This is one of the ways that God has been teaching me over the last several years! Anyway, right after I said that he goes, "So then you are super religious or something?" I simply responded with something like, "Well, I wouldn't say super religious but I follow Christ and live my life for him. He's everything...." It just flowed so naturally, which it should! Not too long after he, Steve, walked away and I kept talking with my friend, who was laughing by the way. It was great to be able to dialogue that experience with her, and talk about sharing Christ with others. Well the funny thing is, probably about 20 minutes later I was headed back to my room to get my cell phone charger and I crossed paths with Steve again. I could tell he wanted to start conversation again and as we started talking he motioned that we should go sit down. After apologizing several times I told Samantha that I would call her back, but I couldn't miss this! So Steve and I talked for probably a good 20 or so more minutes.  We talked about what each other liked to do, shared our common interest in encouraging youth, and talked about life. He ended up sharing with me some aspects of his life and past and why he believed what he believed.  This was definitely a God moment! He told me that he doesn't normally just start talking with people, but that he HAD to make a comment about how long I talked, and I also just seemed friendly. So out of that came a conversation that including me sharing about Christ's role in my life, and my interests, and Steve sharing some personal aspects of his life! Again, God uses interactions like this to remind me to pray for people. Every time they come to mind, I am reminded that God know their story and where they are at!  God is such a big God!

During that same period, another guy walked past me, smiled, and called me giggly (I blame Sam!). It was funny but it was also a quick conversation where I was able to share that the best way to live was to have joy! Why not laugh and enjoy life, no matter the circumstances?

Again I know I wrote a lot and I could still include so much more! But what I wrote above is why I titled this everyday living. God is teaching me how to live everyday. Not having a set schedule with this job has been hard, but God has taught me how to fill my time and in that fill my life! Everyday we are supposed to pick up our cross and follow Christ. For me right now that included some tough situations with family and friends, new experiences, contemplating life and where I stand with things, a new job/environment, and meeting people like Steve.  I am being taught more about what it is to truly live daily for and with Christ.

Like I said earlier I could write so much more expanding on all of this, but for now I have written enough! Thank you for taking time to join me on my journey. I hope and pray that you can be encourage and strengthened through this. If you have any questions or what to know more, please ask! I would truly appreciate prayer to stay strong in my faith and through some of the circumstances that are being thrown at me right now. I never want to lose my joy! Live everyday and enjoy every moment! Blessings!

Fantastic Day!

(So I started writing this blog Sunday, after I got home, then my computer died and I just finished it. Sorry it took me 5 days! Anyway it was from this past Sunday!)

Last night as I was driving to Denver I started thinking about where I wanted to go to church in the morning or if I wanted to go at all. There are two churches, within 20-30 miles from where we are staying this weekend, that I know people at. Earlier this week I had asked my friend Alli what church she went to. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go because of the mileage. (For personal use of our van we have 100 miles each and then we have to pay. It's not a lot, but its still money!) Finally as I decided that it would be great to go to church where people would be familar with my school, and where I could see a friend. I ended up texting Alli last night and asked her if she would be interested or have time to grab some lunch after church if I ended up coming. Luckily everything worked out!

So I went thinking that I would only hang out for lunch and then head back to Dorina's friends house. Well those plans changed but it was wonderful! I had such a fantastic day and it was exactly what I needed! After church Alli and I actually ended up going out to lunch with her mom and stepdad. It was wonderful. They were super nice and made me laugh a whole lot! After we left them, Alli said that I was allowed to join her when she went to a lady's house from church (I had met her earlier that morning).  I decided to tag along and I am so glad I did. We went to their house, but they weren't home yet, so Alli and I headed to a house that she had been housesitting for. She needed to walk the dog so this was the perfect opportunity. This was a great afternoon for a walk! (I was definitely happy to have the chance to play with a chocolate lab!) We probably walked around for close to an hour. The weather was perfect and sunny.

After that we headed over to the friends from church. They were getting ready for a youth retreat the following weekend and they were making journals for all of the girls. Even though I felt funny at first helping make them for girls I didn't know, I ended up making 2 journals. It was so much fun! There were five of us just sitting at the table making journals for a few hours, talking, laughing like crazy, and just being ridiculous. it was wonderful having the opportunity to fellowship with an incredible group of people! To continue the day, i ended up staying with that family for dinner. Their dad had come home-- he was hilarious! I needed a day that was a break from thinking and I sure got that! It was great. I didn't end up getting back to where we were staying until almost 10. I spent some time writing and just sat on a porch swing looking at the Denver lights. It was beautiful and peaceful! I was so grateful for Sunday!

Manitou Springs, Colorado

Today feels like summer. As I write this I am sitting in a cute little park in the heart of Manitou Springs, Colorado.  There are children playing and laughing, dogs all around, and people enjoying themselves. Colorful trees mark fall as their leaves fall into the nearby river and drift away. I see so much beauty. I see God!

Dorina and I came here today because we had a lot of extra time. We finished our shows this morning around 11a.m. We will be staying with one of Dorina’s friends tonight but she is working so we needed something to fill our time (basically 8 hrs!). It has been nice and peaceful. After walking around for a while and getting some Chai Maté (South American tea), we decided to get books and just chill by the river. I am at peace and so content! Thank you God for this glorious day.

One of my favorite moments was when we were walking from store to store we passed a lady who was holding the cutest puppy! I started walking past her but then turned around and said “I’m sorry, but can I pet your puppy?” It was so precious and soft. That was definitely the highlight of my day.  I also found a cute ring that was made on an Indian Reserve. It’s a blue heart with some metal wiring holding it together. It was actually a hilarious time because I kept debating. As I was doing this Dorina was like “You’re going to get it anyway, just do it.” Sure enough she was right!

I’m now sitting in Starbucks finishing this blog (a few hours later), my battery was dying at the park! After we left the park we were going to go hiking at a place called Seven Falls. Now waterfalls are also one of my favorite things. We drove there and once we got there we were met by a closed gate saying the park was closed for renovations until November 26. Renovations?? In a public, natural setting! I wanted to see the falls! It was a bummer, but we ended up going to another part of the park and “hiked” around a little bit. Most of it was really just a walk, but the setting was really serene and it was nice getting to walk around for a while.

This weekend we will be staying in Colorado Springs and then Denver before we head back to Missouri on Monday. I have no idea what we will be doing, partially because we are staying with some of Dorina’s friends but also because of weird schedules. It’s interesting to find way to fill out time when we don’t have a set place to go, but we have made due and have had some fun along the way! 

Showered with Blessings

This morning we had a show at a middle school in Grandview, Missouri. We got to our school at about 6:30a.m.  Setup took a little longer than normal because of the help that we had. We had some 6th and 7th grade boys helping us out, as well as their teacher who was the choir director. We were grateful to have the students help us, but this was definitely one of the times that it slowed us down. Luckily it wasn't a huge deal.  There was one boy who I worked with the most, he had no clue what was going on! I had to repeat myself several times, and show him things more than once. It just made me laugh! The choir director was great. He helped us out along with the students, carried on some conversation, and offered Dorina more coffee after she had spilled it when we were bringing in all our stuff!

Other than taking a little longer the setup and shows went like normal. The principal was a very energetic lady who really spoke to the students and talked about achieving greatness! She was on fire! It was great.  The students were very responsive and participated in the presentation. I really enjoy seeing the students get involved. I feel like it helps some of them stay attentive and it makes me laugh!

After the show, Dorina and I both really just wanted to tear down on our own. It's not that we didn't want to interact with students,  but I think after the morning help, we just wanted to get things done. One of the administrators came up to us with probably about 10 students asking if we needed help. We didn't directly say no, we just said that we didn't need that many students; that would have just been overwhelming! So she ended up sending them to class and said that we can come get her when we needed help. It actually all worked out really well with things after that. As we were tearing down, Mike the head custodian came up and started helping. He was near Dorina, but I could still hear the conversation. I don't remember how it got to this point, but he started sharing about how he wanted to go over to Africa and work over there for a while. He started to share stories with us about trusting God with money and his job and all that. This guy was really trying to live a life worthy of the calling God placed on his life. As he was talking and sharing I was rolling cords and continuing to pack up. It was so easily to feel the 'need' to keep working, feeling like we had to be somewhere. Finally I just stopped and listened. We weren't in a rush and God was definitely speaking through this guy and his stories. 

After a little bit, the conversation ended and we went to finish packing things up. Mike said he would come back and help us take everything to the van when we were ready. We went and got him, loaded the van, and continued talking. As we were saying goodbye, he was like "I want to buy you guys your dinner." I was shocked! He pulled out his wallet and handed us a $20. It was such a blessing. He kept talking about how this was the Lord's money and he wanted to do it. Such a simple thing, but such a huge deal to do for a complete stranger! As I walked away, I was just thinking "This is how God is showing his provision and challenging us. We aren't with a group of people, but the body of Christ is still spread out everywhere. Times like these are a reminder of what it means to live as well as a time of refreshment!"  I felt so blessed and so undeserving. I want to serve people, I want to meet more people, and I know that is happening and will continue to as I make myself available. Again, we were blessed and served today.

This week's happenings

So I haven't written in a week, definitely not because of a lack of time, but partially due to the fact that not much is going on. From Wednesday afternoon last week till Monday morning we had off. Like I wrote in my last blog I was able to go visit an old camp and it was wonderful! The rest of the time I really spent scrapbooking, talking to friends, walking around the town, getting in a bad habit of getting a red box movie and iced pumpkin spice chai, ya know the usual ;) But God did do some cool things again through church.

Just like we have done for the past several weeks and we will do for the next several months, we went online to look for a church to attend. So far we have had great experiences but sometimes, especially when we are in bigger cities, it is harder to decide on which church to attend. We ended up going to one that was within walking distance from our hotel.  I love being able to walk in to a church be comfortable knowing that I am worshipping God with the body of Christ even if I don't know any of them. I'm not going to lie though, sometimes this has been hard because I hear about the things a church is doing and I just want to get involved. I want to meet people, build relationships, fuel my social nature, but in a way that is limited this year! 

Recently I feel like God has been bringing a lot of things up from my past to remind me of his sovereignty, love, and work in my life. I have been thinking for a while now about what it means to reclaim the promises God has for us, and for me as an individual. Towards the end of the service on Sunday, the pastor basically gave a call to 'go.' To live into the crazy love that God has for us and to believe that we can truly give all of ourselves for the sake of Christ. As I was standing there responding to this message I just kept praying "God I want more, I want more. I want more of you, of your love, and what you have in store for my life. Show me more." Right after that, the worship team started playing The Stand. If you have been following my blog at all, you may remember that a few posts back  I talked about an experience at Barclay that had to do with this song. The song has powerful words yes, but really the song isn't the point. God has used this time and time again to remind me of him and his work in my life. When we started singing this (this was at least the 3rd time at three different churches in the last few weeks that it was played) I was overjoyed and tears came to my eyes. It was such a sweet reminder of the presence of God in my life! It is just so refreshing!

I have been questioning and praying about all these reminders. Is there something that God has in store for me or reasons why he wants me to vividly remember so many things? Is this a way he is providing for me this year as I am not with a big community but I can remember great times I have had with a larger community? Does God have other purposes for all of this?  I think the answer may be yes to this and to so many other questions. This is the journey I am on and I get to have faith to see what I need to see, hear what I need to hear, and experience what I need to experience. Who knows where the adventure will take me next!